he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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