started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
