I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
