So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
