She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
