Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
