did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
