I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dignity is for republicans.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
