Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
