I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
