Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
