This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
