How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
