someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
