I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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