I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
