I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
