there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Shame is for Republicans.
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