shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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