You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
