Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
