I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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