The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
