I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
