Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
