I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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