420 ftw
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
