And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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