Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
