Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
