weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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