Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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