some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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