Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
