Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
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