So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
