You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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