when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You took a bar mat shot.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
