and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
