Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
