Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
