I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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