we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
