Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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