also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
