apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i came on her dog
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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