the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
