Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
