in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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