The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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