Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
