Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
